Thank you to "
Project Happily Ever After" for her blog....I felt so inspired reading it, I wanted to share it with you.
How and Why to Be a Better Giver
AKA
The Long Lost Karma Project
Many years ago, I told my grandmother that I liked her watch. She took it off her wrist and she gave it to me.
She was dying at the time, but she was dying from a disease with no defined timetable. She didn’t know how much time she had left. She only knew that, for her, death was going to happen sooner than later and that scleroderma was going to be the thing that did her in.
She also knew that she loved me beyond words, so she gave me the watch off her wrist.
I thought of my grandmother last night as I listened to my Dharma teacher talk about the meaning and importance of giving. There are many good reasons to give. If you are like me, you could probably list a few off the top of your head. (As a matter of fact, that’s a great idea isn’t it? Why is giving important? List your reasons in the comments area of this post.)
Anyway, my teacher mentioned a reason that had never before occurred to me. It was this:
If you have many material possessions at the time of your death, you will mourn the loss of them as you die because you will not be able to take those possessions with you.
For instance, let’s say you have a prize-winning snow globe collection. It’s better to—during your lifetime–gift that entire collection to another collector who will be very happy to receive it than it is to worry, during your final moments of life, whether or not your children and grandchildren are going to fully appreciate the art and beauty of said collection.
That’s why the Buddhists believe that wealth only has importance and meaning once you’ve given it away to someone else. Money shoved under your mattress is meaningless. Money that puts shoes on the feet of hundreds of barefoot children suddenly has meaning.
Deep, right?
I certainly thought so.
My teacher also listed three types of gifts. They are: material gifts, advice (especially advice that helps people find comfort and happiness) and fearlessness. Fearlessness is defined as anything that reduces fear and anxiety and it can be as huge as saving a bug’s life and as small as telling someone like me that you will read my book when it is published in January—just so I know that at least one more person other than my mother will read it.
Anyway, I’ve been thinking about giving ever since, and I thought it would be a good exercise to start a “giving list.” Here’s my list so far.
29 Ways to Give
- Donate your old books to the library.
- Give your old shoes to those kids in the Sudan who don’t have shoes.
- Cut those box tops off your cereal boxes and give them to your local public school.
- When you see a coupon for a brand that you know a friend uses, snip it and give it to that friend.
- Give your spare change to your kids. My daughter likes to collect those quarters with the states on the back. So I give her all my quarters. This makes her happy.
- When you are eating at a really cheap restaurant (like a diner), tip your waitress 50 or 100 percent.
- If you have not worn an outfit in more than a year, give it to a thrift shop.
- I would like to know of organizations that would embrace old computers. I tried to give two of them to our local public school and they told me they already had too many computers. Ideas?
- Offer your knowledge to someone else free of charge, but only if that person asks for it. It’s probably important to note here that Buddhists do not offer unsolicited advice. One of the Buddha’s teachings was this: only give away Dharma to people who want it. This seems like a smart strategy to me. If someone doesn’t want your advice, you can give and give and give all you want. If that someone isn’t listening, you’ve wasted your breath.
- Listen to a friend who needs to talk about a problem or hard day.
- If you see someone struggling to carry something heavy, offer to help. Chances are you are reducing that person’s fear of throwing his or her back out.
- If you see a mother with 6 screaming kids trying to unload her grocery cart while she is also holding a baby and simultaneously trying to keep a toddler from eating all of the candy bars, don’t roll your eyes and sigh loudly. Help her unload the dang cart.
- Tell a pregnant woman that she’s beautiful. Chances are she’s worried that she looks like a fat cow.
- Tell any woman that she’s beautiful. Nearly all of us worry about looking like fat cows.
- Tell brilliant people that they are brilliant.
- Tell funny people that they are funny.
- Tell generous people that they are generous.
- Tell awesome people that they are awesome. (I think you get the idea, so I’ll stop with this line of thinking).
- Shovel your neighbor’s walkway whenever it snows, especially if your neighbor is older than you are.
- Hold a sick person’s hand.
- Visit anyone who is in a nursing home, even if you are not related.
- Help a turtle get to the other side of a street.
- Help those poor earthworms (the ones who always seem to get washed into the street after a storm) find the grass that they seek.
- Give someone a hug.
- Tell your husband that he rocks your world in bed. Chances are he’s worried that he doesn’t.
- Say, “I love you.”
- Forgive.
- Apologize.
- Cook a meal for the neighbors down the street who just had a new baby. Chances are they are not quite sure where their next meal is going to come from.
What are some additional ways to give? Why is giving important? Leave a comment.
